6.05.2007

Wherein I pretend that I am really married to Aidan from Sex In the City...

When I first met my husband he was not particularly fond of swimming, Christmas, or power tools. He was not in touch with his inner Bob Villa, and nor did he think he ever would be. When something needed doing on the rental house we lived in for eons, something that required more than a perfunctory slosh with the toilet plunger, we called the Landlord and offered him a coffee while we watched him at work.

A decade plus with me, and he is a changed man. He's all about the holidays and takes our son swimming most weekends (though he still does not much like to get his nipplies wet in the icy climes of Lake Michigan or the English Channel).

Since we bought our first home four years ago, my husband is Home Improvement nuts. He skulks the aisles of Home Depot, Lowes, and Menards carefully comparing prices and customer service (Results: Menards= Cheap and Shit Service; Home Depot = A little more expensive and nice, knowledgeable service....). He comes back home, proudly declaring that he "managed to get that wax ring I've been wanting," or "there's a Dremel on sale with a Flex Craft attachment..."

(Did you know, it's physically impossible for a man to make one run to Home Depot in a day? Universe says that if there is one run to the Depot, then at least 3-5 subsequent runs must be undertaken, which we do not complain about at all if he also takes the manic 4 yr old...)

In the last four years, the man has:

1. Ripped out our upstairs bathroom sink, toilet, and (gulp) wall, and completely reinstalled new ones.

2. Refinished our basement study. i.e. ripped down nasty-assed walls and shit, and rebuilt them with wood and dry wall and plaster and nails stuff. He used a nail stapler thingy and everything.

3. Completely removed each and everyone of our rickety, 1926 windows, stripped, sanded, painted, and restrung the things.

4. Stripped and refinished wooden floors

5. Painted six of our rooms (I did choose the paint color)

6. Built a garden fence, from scratch (none of that pussy-assed premade fencing for this boy)

7. Painted our garage (I did choose the paint color)

8. Stripped and refinished various pieces of furniture so they look effing fabulous

9. Built, from scratch, two Arts and Crafts Style bedside tables, and stained them ebony. (his color choice, and actually very marvelous despite my initial bitchy comments reservations)

10. And now. Now. He's gone and built this: Again. FROM SCRATCH. From big bits of lumber he had to cut down to size. The spindles you see here? There are something like 150 of them, and they very nearly did him in, and destroyed our marriage in the process.




This masterpiece (now also stained ebony) is going into our boudoir, which is at this very moment being painted by...him. As I sit here in my office, I like to think of him silently cursing me for choosing a two tone paint palette (slate gray and duck egg blue) and thereby creating an edging nightmare...

I have been informed that if we move to England, this "%$U*%" bedframe is getting &%&$#*$ shipped....

36 comments:

Rattling the Kettle said...

That's some really nice work.

Mamma said...

You must be exhausted from making all those decisions. Go get yourself a drink.

flutter said...

wow, nice work hubby! I wonder if I could do that in our garage...hmmmm

Marmite Breath said...

He is amazing. He also sounds just like my husband, who also spends our paycheck at Lowe's/Home Depot/Menards but which is fine by me since he doesn't spend money on beer, smokes or strippers.

That I know of.

PS) Is that a King size bed? Holy Crap!

Lawyer Mama said...

Wow!

Can I borrow him?

slouching mom said...

That is incredibly impressive.

Miscellaneous-Mum said...

Now, to me, that looks like one freaking big bed!

metro mama said...

Wow...impressive!

Lindyloo said...

Wow well done you!

Blog Antagonist said...

I lol'd at "He was not in touch with his inner Bob Villa". My husband is so not a do-it-yourself-er. His philosophy is why do it himeself when he can pay someone to do it better and faster?

Gorgeous Bed. I'm duly impressed.

doow said...

That is a beautiful bed frame. Congratulations to Mr Gingajoy on making it - and of course to you for ... err, blogging it. Though it does bother me that I can't work out what the first curse word is.

By the way, my Dad once demolished our bathroom wall too. Our toilet used to be separate from the bathroom and removal of the partition wall had been discussed. So then Dad decided to act upon the discussion and bring the wall tumbling down in a cloud of dust and rubble ... on the very morning that the in-laws were due to visit and the day after Mum had cleaned the house from top to bottom.

Woman with kids said...

That is lovely! I'm impressed.

Motherhood Uncensored said...

wow. that's hot.

Elizabeth said...

I started nodding my head along with this post when I got to "Did you know, it's physically impossible for a man to make one run to Home Depot in a day?"-um, YES, yes I do!

We are married to very similar men! Chris will wake up one Saturday, decide we need a coffee table, go to the Depot for some wood, and in a few hours, we have a coffee table. I showed him the photo of the bed frame and he said "I don't make things that neatly"-VERY impressive. Let's get together some weekend at my house for a cookout, and our husbands can talk woodworking!

Birchsprite said...

can he make me one.... that is gorgeous

Fairly Odd Mother said...

OMG! That bed is unbelievable! Great work!

I too am proud of all the work my husband does around the house. I think that once they realize that they can't call a landlord (but instead must PAY someone for help), that kicks them into action!

karrie said...

Nice work!

So true about the inability of men to just make one trip to Home Depot. At least your husband uses the things he buys. We have a Man Cave littered with unused HD purchases.....

Mary G said...

I'm married to one of those, also. I love him dearly. But.... You want to be careful to listen to them when they plan projects. My guy decided we would build our own house. Yes, indeed. *We* built it. The two of us. I got handed a tool belt and a hard hat. I will admit that when it was livable, I was in really, really good shape, except for the squashed thumb. I see that your admirable man actually finishes things, too. The bed is in your bedroom, not in the workshop? Wow. Cherish him. I still do not have interior doors, trim, or a finished staircase.

Redneck Mommy said...

Is he cute? Cuz he sounds like the perfect man. (Other than wanting to get his nipples wet...frigging pansy...)

The bed is beautiful. Well done. Think of the fun that bed is going to see....

Slate grey and robins blue, eh? Mine is slate grey and lilac. Maybe we really were separated at birth...

Oh, The Joys said...

My husband is totally bob villa. I can't understand how he got that done while you all have a son and an infant and you work. How?

Sheri said...

i am amazed (mostly) and laughing and laughing at this post.

Mrs. Chicken said...

What do you want for him? Seriously, how much?

Mr. Chicken made me hire someone to paint the bathroom. Just paint. That's all.

You are LUCKY!

JayJenny said...

That's gorgeous!

Kelly said...

Handy husband are especially hot. When my husband comes up from the basement, all grizzled and greasy, his stubble having grown in a matter of hours? Put the kids down for a nap, baby, time for some afternoon delight!

And that bed, looks exactly like ours! (Although my father made our bed, which shows a lot of courage on his part, probably knowing at least a little of what was going to be occurring there.)

BTW, my latest post is a response to the Blog on Blog Action survey, as I was tagged by Slouching Mom. She said to let you know.

ozma said...

I was pretty amazed when my husband learned how to use a drill. I remain amazed by him in spite of your uberhandy spouse--but wow, that's some bed!

gingajoy said...

Marmite Breath--yeah, It's a King. It's SO not going to fit in a UK bedroom.

Mary G--*do not give my husband ideas. He reads this blog you know!* ANd no, that is the garage! Not the bedroom.

OTJ--no clue, actually. He is on a bit of break from teaching, though--which helps.

Kelly, RedNeck, K--there will be no sullying of this perfection with something so degrading as nookie.

Bloor West Mama said...

Wow.Wow.Wow. Lucky you.

Enjoy the bed ;)

mothergoosemouse said...

I'm really impressed. Extremely impressed. Impressed enough to buy him a plane ticket and all the beer he can drink. I've got a houseful of stuff he can do.

(Assuming you and the kids come along too. Bring that fabulous bed.)

Christine said...

WOW! That bed is amazing! My honey is building me a deck right now and it has required many, many trips to the hardware store. Many. Many.

themikestand said...

Nice bedframe. I mean it. Big enough that you won't accidentally wind up with more kids, too!

I completely understand the multiple-trips concept. You can't be sure you've got it all unless you keep going back to check. And half the time, you buy something but you don't have the right somethingorother to hang it, fasten it, or otherwise make it work.

And it's "Vila" -- not how you spelled it, which in my imagined Joy accent is pronounced "viller".

Tere said...

It's true, there's no such thing as just one trip to Home Depot - it's scientifically impossible.

And wow, from nothing to making beds from scratch? His inner Bob Villa turned out to be a beast!

Suldog said...

Nice work by The Hubby! Yes, once we get a taste of accomplishment via working with ourbhands, we're either all or nothing. Cue the chorus...

"Men, Men, Men, Men, Men, Men, Men..."

Thanks for stopping by my place, and for the kind words. I'm going to add a link to you next time I get a chance :-)

jchevais said...

OMG. Amazing work.

Also? Your husband finishes stuff? That is so unfair.

Her Bad Mother said...

I don't know how I missed this (actually, I do - I was busying texting you rather than reading your blog) - but I have to say this: our husbands would LOOOOOOOVE each other. Right down to their hammers and screws.

Harmonica Man said...

Also...
Menards = Out of stock.
Home Depot = Knowledgeable service, but ONLY if the planets are aligned and you can actually find someone to provide said service.

ewe are here said...

Congrats on the ROFL - this is a very funny post. And your husband does amazing work! That bed is fantastic!