4.24.2007

When Ira Glass is my Boyfriend

[Part Two of the "Name Five Goals You Have Largely Ignored" meme Slouching Mom tagged me for. Part One below.]

Another Life Goal I have on my mental back-burner as "something I must really get to some day because it would be brilliant if I do say so myself" is to:

Make a short radio documentary on breast-pumping. This would no doubt bring me instant fame and fortune via the This American Life lineup. A reproductive Sarah Vowell, if you will.

Wouldn't it be brilliant? I have it all mapped out and organized already (in my mind).

America's Secret...Millions of Women Are Exposing Themselves in the Workplace, and Doing It With Style...." (or something).

Radio would be the perfect medium for this subject matter. We could sidestep all the full-frontal censorship issues that would annoyingly arise, and so also avoid having our audience visually distracted by the alarming level of equipment involved. The focus would be on the stories.

And, of course, lot could be connoted through ambient sound (ladies who pump--you know what I'm talking about here) and personal anecdotes from various women about "my first time," or "why I opted for the black leather," or "what I did when the Boss walked in" or " "don't tell anyone, but my keyboard is sticky..." and "why does this seem slightly shameful?"

For me the culture of pumping is fascinating because it is so private, so underground, so taboo. All us women sharing the same experience, but sitting (hiding?) in splendid isolation at our desks (or wherever the hell else has been designated a pumping zone) while we pour forth our bounty. So much to talk about. I'd love to produce something that places pumping in its historical and cultural context. I'm envisioning something funny, poignant, and political. I'm envisioning a Pulitzer, dammit!

Yes. This is a goal I would love to get to one of these days. I've been chewing on it ever since I unravelled the tubes and adjusted the flanges for that first tearful session, and my father (Yes, he was there. At this stage in my life I had no sense of personal boundary) said "I am reminded of Barbarella." (Yes Dad. If Barbarella had chapped nipples, "production issues," and a pump that resembled like a nineteenth century combustion engine, that is....)

But stay tuned for the next three installments, where I list all the other fudding Life Goals I need to get to first.

33 comments:

Rattling the Kettle said...

That would be awesome!

Izzy said...

Just tell me when it's going to air and I'll totally listen. But you're gonna have to pillow fight me for Ira :)

slouching mom said...

Hey. Ira Glass and I share our alma mater.

I could SO TOTALLY see you on the radio talking about pumping at your desk or wherever the hell else you've had to pump.

cinnamon gurl said...

Brilliant idea!! Hope you get the chance to implement it.

Jennifer (ponderosa) said...

I love this idea too...

I only pumped in the office for about 6 weeks, we had a special area designated for it but I shared it with another woman. Not only did I NOT pump while she was pumping but we avoided looking at each other, ever!

You will be amused to know that my children, who are now 5 and almost-3, LOVE to play with the breastpump paraphernalia, especially those clear plastic air lines.

And: black leather all the way!

Tracysan said...

Am I the only one who thinks that Princess Myra must be some kind of S&M dominatrix? Because that thing looks like a horrible, terrible torture device!

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh yes! I can completely relate. A friend and I had a running bet over who would have a boss ignore the posted signs and walk in while we were pumping first. I won. Ooh boy.

Mary G said...

You need to meet 'Just making it up as I go' who is a journalist and breast feeding maven.
You know, I fed two kids, one to a cup, and never knew there was such a thing as a breast pump. How weird is that?

flutter said...

That photo scared the crap out of me. I am pretty sure that isn't what its supposed to do.

Mamma said...

A fabulous idea indeed! And the radio is perfect. You could have a the rhythmic whooshing going on throughout the whole piece. I can just hear it now.

crazymumma said...

Barbarella! If only....

Your Dad sounds like a very hip Dad indeed.

I look forward to the radio show. Will you have call ins?

Tina C. said...

please interview me! i pumped for 6 months and that's when i became a regular blog reader! also, my co-workers thought i was drinking pee because the water in my water bottle was colored from the fenugreek drops in it. btw, i began to hate Dr Sears when i read the little aside printed in italics about Mamma Sears hand-expressing several ounces at work. that's when i realized that book was not for me.

Redneck Mommy said...

Joy, you have just succeeded in unearthing my repressed memories of pumping.

Now I vividly recall the day I was hooked up like an old milk cow, pumping both boobs (because I am nothing if not efficient) when my FATHER and BROTHER walked in and saw my milkbags and tubes going to town.

Thanks, now I need a drink and it's only nine in the morning.

Mrs. Davis said...

Oh, hell yes! That would make an amazing radio piece! And I would happily tell my pumping stories.

Virtualsprite said...

What a fabulous idea!

I'll donate the "Got Milk?" sign I made for my office door when I was pumping and needed a little privacy. Of course, that probably won't translate well on radio... ah, details.

BlogWhore said...

i can hear his voice...

really, i can.

act one: joy is leaking breastmilk from her purse.

Mimi said...

Joy! How can you write about this when I'm trapped at work! And weaning! And have one rock-hard boobie I'm not supposed to pump!

I did once say at a meeting, after 2 hours, and after multiple attempts to excuse myself gracefully: "Look. I gotta go for 15 minutes. These boobs aren't going to pump themselves."

Really. Stunned silence. But then I made my getaway.

MrDrGinga said...

Ira! That hack! He splits far too many infinitives to be considered a serious journalist/Showtime host.

What you need to do is call Car Talk and ask Click&Clack why your breast pump is making a funny whining sound. Then laugh it up with the boys when Click says he always hears a whining sound when the words "breast" and "pump" are used in the same sentence. To boot, they were in the movie _Cars_.

Tracy said...

Excellent idea! Funnily enough I'm pumping while I type this comment. And the men (boys?) in my office are playing darts outside my door, making me uneasy. They must wonder what the strange whurring sound is that creeps out of my office twice a day is.

Kelly said...

that would be an awesome show! I really got a kick out of pumping so I'm good for stories if you need em!

Lisa b said...

Sounds like a great show!
Oh the controversy that will uncovered.
God I hate pumping.

Antonia said...

I can't look at that vintage breast reliever without hearing a comedy "parp" sound in my head.

Julie Pippert said...

Oh LOVE Ira Glass. I'll tune in to your segment.

But the noises? I don't know. It might provoke a PTSD flashback. Hated pumping. Hated. It.

Daddy D said...

my wife would tune in!

- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- www.daddydetective.com

Tere said...

Love the idea! Pumping was a unique and special time in my life... and by special I mean "my nipples still shrivel up when I think about it."

sheri said...

do it! i love it! i'm actually pumping right now & typing with one hand & being lulled by the sounds i imagine you'll include. but yes, i'd soooooo tune in.

sweatpantsmom said...

Omigod - do it now! That is brilliant.

Put me on the Podcast list.

Her Bad Mother said...

DUDE. Sorry, but you gotta go video on that doc. Digital, hi-def.

urban-urchin said...

My first breast pump was awful- it groaned with every squeeze as though I was hurting it or something.

The last go round, I rented the super deluxe breast pump from my obgyn while teeny was in the hospital- it barely made a sound and best of all the little donut-y things on the front made sure I didn't feel like I was in the middle of a botched DIY mammogram with every contraction...

Fairly Odd Mother said...

I can just hear you now. . .it'd sound even better with your accent.

Mrs. Chicken said...

That would be PERFECT for This American Life. Why didn't I think of that???

Mom101 said...

I love that you love Ira Glass. I will so watch that show. I even have some good pics for you to use if it makes it onto his new Showtime show:

vistaprint coupon codes said...

I can relate. A mate and I had a walking bet over who would have a boss ignore the posted signs and walk in while they were pumping first.