2.15.2007

Pedigree Ostrich

Yes. Just a few too many posts where I recount my glowing health and happiness by dropping in many casual references to kickboxing, aerobics, and how I am not sleep deprived, and how (subtextually) I am therefore a magnificent healthy beast of a woman, and hear me roar.

And now I am sitting here snot-nosed and sneezing at my no-doubt bacteria-riddled laptop. I am mawing down any and all junkfood I can get a hold of (My husband has been informed procure for my ailments: Chocolate, Dots, sour cream and onion chips, white bread, smoked salmon, Puffs and cough drops). Starve a fever, feed a cold!

There has been a slow and steady decline of the women at Chez Ginga. By women I am referring to me and the Dog. Both of us are shunting about the house milling for food and crashing out slack jawed and drooling in front of the television. Me with cholera a cold, and her with an ear infection and a nice skin rash, both of which we have found out are caused by mysterious allergy. Probably a food allergy, the vet informed us yesterday. And get this...

Have we considered feeding her a diet that consists solely of Ostrich and Rutabaga??


Ostrich and rutabaga?? Are you sure she might not want any caviar with that? Or perhaps some foie gras? Holy fucking crap. I mean, we love this girl to death, don't get me wrong, but we're just about holding it together juggling nipples, and car seats, and snow-days, let alone preparing her an elegant menu pour un. (or is that "une?")


When the old man visibly balked (and actually snorted) at the vet's suggestion, she switched to "then we can try her on this ultra allergen-free food, which we call Liquid Gold or Your Child's College Fund."


So right now she's on the Liquid Gold diet. But I am going to be googling to see where I can get some low-grade Ostrich meat. Does anyone know a man who knows a man who....?

17 comments:

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Ostrich and rutabaga??? Where the heck do you shop for that? Our local supermarkets may be a bit low on ostrich right now.

Feel better soon! I've been eating the kids Valentine's Candy when they aren't looking so I'm sure there is a special circle in hell for me. And thanks for visiting my humble blogosphere. "Godfather" indeed!

Mrs. Chicky said...

Seriously? Ostrich and rutabaga? I've never heard of that. I suppose the ostrich would be easier to get than venison, which is also reportedly easy on the canine stomach. But the next time you hear of someone hitting a deer with their car you should get over there pronto for the free meat. ;)

Christina said...

That's an odd combo for a food allergy!

I have a Siamese cat with food allergies, and he was on the Child's College Fund allergen-free food, too. I had him allergy tested to find out exactly what he was allergic to (it's a simple blood test), and then spent half a day reading labels in Petsmart until I found a food that wouldn't make him lose his fur. It's much cheaper.

Mimi said...

Oh lordy. Well, we give our cat **anxiety medication** every day.

Ever tried to shove a pill down a cat's throat? Every? Day? Hint: it's a two-person job, and great entertainment for house guests.

The anxiety? She misses us. A lot. When we (say) nip into the bathroom for a pee. Much meowing and clawing at the door, piteous howling, etc.

Ostrich and rutabaga. Sounds more like a punchline than a diet. Yikes.

Kevin Charnas said...

Good lord. How 'bout just some vodka and Dorito's? maybe throw in some french onion dip?

ozma said...

Emu and turnips? Will emu and turnips do?

Random Impressions said...

I refuse to be taken in by the Ostrich & Rutabaga yarn. I'm sure you're kidding.

Oh, The Joys said...

If you score the Ostrich, I'll be coming over to eat out of your dogs bowl. Yum.

Sally said...

Hee! My in-laws actually have a now-defunct ostrich farm. They still have the old and grizzled breeders running around (my three year old loves to visit), but no chicks, young birds or meat. I'd totally offer to get you some meat if they still had any in their deep-freeze! It seems like a seriously misguided dietary suggestion though. Ostrich meat is expensive and couldn't possibly make a big difference. I hope the liquid-gold food works!

Sandra said...

No. You can't be serious. You can't Ostrich and rutabaga?!? Oh how I've missed gingajoy!

Elizabeth said...

Joy, I won't be at Cardio tomorrow, I have to take Nathan to a Cub Scouts thing. Outside. With sledding. Blech.

Her Bad Mother said...

What? You don't raise wild ostrich in your backyard for *just such emergencies*?

moosh in indy. said...

I don't even eat that well. Try the "mac and cheese with canned green bean diet" around my house.

mothergoosemouse said...

Thank you for reminding me again why I am so happy to be pet-free (for now).

I hope you and the dog feel better soon.

Mad Hatter said...

Rutabaga? Lordy, dog farts smell bad enough as it is.

moosh in indy. said...

Oddly enough, here's the thought I had at 2 am, where the hell did you get a photo of ostrich and rutabaga?

Amanda said...

Ummm, thanks. Now I'll take a moment to be glad that A) I haven't leaked through my bra yet today and B) I have a decidedly low maintenance dog...all bets are off with the damn cat.