12.13.2006

What Binds Us All...

By now, you'll know about Her Bad Mother's nephew, Tanner. Six years old, crayola wall-artist, Wonder Baby's, number one fan... and... not long for this world...

Whenever anyone posits a universal experience for motherhood, I resist the idea vehemently. I truly believe that in another culture or context my experience would be quite different. I am white. I am priveleged. I am well-educated. All this informs my role as a mother.

Sure, there are many experiences that bring us together--commonality of experience is what makes our blogging community so strong and supportive, I believe. But universals? No.

Except...

Except for that one unspeakable thing that transgresses all cultural and linguistic boundaries. The unthinkable thing that all parents fear totally--the death of one's child.

When I was a child, my baby sister, Zoe, died of SIDS. I was nine, my brother, seven. As kids, we suffered, we mourned, but we bounced back as children do. Now a parent, I look back on how my parents coped--especially my mother. Her breasts ached for weeks with unreleased milk. It's.... unspeakable.

She and my father strived to create an atmosphere of normality for us--especially that first Christmas, mere weeks after it all happened. Santa was unbelievably generous that year...

And now another Mother. Another Father. Another Family. Coping with what we all live in complete and universal fear of.

And yet still, a brilliant and vibrant little boy, Tanner, whose energy is bringing so many of us together.

This weekend, do take a little time to honor Tanner, and check out the auction ambitiously put together by the untiring Kristen of Motherhood Uncensored--all proceeds go to Muscular Dystrophy Research. If you cannot participate in the auction, then do consider a direct donation to M.D. Research in Tanner's name.

25 comments:

Her Bad Mother said...

I didn't think that my heart could burst any further. Apparently, it can.

No words. Just: xoxoxo

sunshine scribe said...

This post is the one that hit me the hardest of all those that have been written about Tanner and the HBA event.

mamatulip said...

I'm with Sunshine. This whole auction has gotten me teary at times but this post has me full-on crying.

Love to you, Joy.

Anonymous said...

Buy [URL= http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000194.htm#levitra]soma[/URL] online

http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000195.htm#soma

Anonymous said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money now

Anonymous said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money now

Jenny said...

My heart hurts now. So awful. Thank you for sharing something so painful.

Anonymous said...

Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't
quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for
different ways to earn money... I did find this though...
a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
I made over $900 last month having fun!
make extra money now

MrsFortune said...

Well, I, too, was looking over your blog, but not for ways to make money. Just for your wonderfulness, which I found, as usual.

That must have been quite an experience as a 9 year old. I cannot possibly imagine what it would be like to lose a child and I admit that I have to do emotional acrobatics when the thought even comes into my mind.

sweatpantsmom said...

I'm so sorry for the loss your suffered. And I have to agree with Sunshine Scribe and Mamatulip - your post is the most touching out of all that I've read. Thank you for writing it so beautifully.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, I'm so sorry, Joy. I don't know how your parents, especially your Mother, made it through that first Christmas. My heart goes out to your whole family.

Anonymous said...

salute!
Very like it!
We enjoyed visiting your website very much. You have to look at this too.

My links here:
[url=http://clonazepam.butkel1.org/]clonazepam[/url] http://clonazepam.butkel1.org/ clonazepam

Buy!

Mom101 said...

Oh my heart is breaking. This is a topic I hardly allow myself to even think about, it's just so much to bear even hypothetically. And yet too many people deal with it for real. My heart goes out to you.

Anonymous said...

Buy [URL= http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000193.htm#cialis]soma[/URL] online

http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11263/_disc2/00000195.htm#soma

Anonymous said...

Hi
Join for free. Most of 2 millions members.List of most popular hot girls in your area. Find today sex partner here from list of most hot girls in your area. Adult only.
[url=http://topviagrasale.livejournal.com/]viagra[/url] [url=http://sexyhotgirls.bravehost.com]hotgirls[/url] [url=http://xanaxsale.bravehost.com]xanax[/url] [url=http://sexforadult.bravehost.com]sex[/url] [url=http://sexcam-.blogspot.com]sexcam[/url] [url=http://phentermineee.blogspot.com]phentermine[/url] [url=http://xanax-top.blogspot.com]xanax[/url] [url=http://phenterminesale.bravehost.com]phentermine[/url] [url=http://sexfinder-.blogspot.com]sex[/url] [url=http://hotbabeonline.blogspot.com]hotbabe[/url] [url=http://sexforadult.blogspot.com]sexforadult[/url] [url=http://hotbabys.blogspot.com]sex[/url] [url=http://sexygirlsfree.blogspot.com]sexygirlsfree[/url] [url=http://sexygirlsbest.blogspot.com]sexygirls[/url] [url=http://sexfreenet.blogspot.com]sexfree[/url] [url=http://adultsexsearch.blogspot.com]adult[/url] [url=http://hotgirlsonline.blogspot.com]hotgirlsonline[/url] [url=http://freeadultsearch.blogspot.com]freeadult[/url] [url=http://sexvideo--.blogspot.com]sexvideo[/url]
[url=http://www.mjblog.pl/viagra/]viagra[/url] [url=http://viagrabuy.bravehost.com]viagra[/url] [url=http://valiumsale.bravehost.com]valium[/url] [url=http://meridia-sale.blogspot.com]meridia[/url] [url=http://adipex-sale.blogspot.com]adipex[/url] [url=http://ativan--buy.blogspot.com]ativan[/url] [url=http://xanax-sale.blogspot.com]xanax[/url] [url=http://buy--drug.com]drugs[/url] [url=http://valium--buy.blogspot.com]valium[/url] [url=http://tramadol-top.blogspot.com]tramadol[/url] [url=http://buy777viagra-.blogspot.com]viagra[/url] [url=http://drugstore.bravehost.com]drug store[/url] [url=http://freehosting4u.bravehost.com]free hosting[/url] [url=http://withorderviagra-.blogspot.com]viagra[/url] [url=http://levitracheapest.bravehost.com]levitra[/url] [url=http://cialischeap.bravehost.com]cialis[/url]
Have fun

Mocha said...

It's everywhere, this hurt. Because universally speaking...no matter what your culture dictates or your rules are for parenting or living, losing a child pains us.

Makes me want to reach way back and hug your mother. When we're all grown up and think about things from their point of view it can snatch our breath away.

Anonymous said...

Custom [URL=http://lipref.com/antique-engagement-ring]engagement rings[/URL], fine jewelry design, diamonds, colored gemstones and
antique jewelry are among our specialties. Please visit our on-line galleries of fine
jewelry, custom [URL=http://tedsap.com/birth-ring-stone]engagement rings[/URL] and beautiful gemstones.

Anonymous said...

Hello people.Winter good time!
This is best.
Best ski:jay peak ski resort
Best credit secret:pay victorias secret credit card
Best house:real estate in charlotte north carolina
Best forex info:forex training course currency trading
This is cool:punishment enema picture

Anonymous said...

Good-girl-turned-bad Britney Spears has topped an eclectic list of the net’s most popular searches
n the run-up to Christmas. The popstar,who hit the headlines last week for stepping out
“commando” with her new best friend Paris Hilton,has helped revealed exactly what the internet
savvy are looking for from their stars - the thick and the dead.

Anonymous said...

Hi
xanax phentermine xanax xanax phentermine phentermine phentermine tramadol tramadol tramadol levaquin levaquin levaquin norvasc sex babe casino casino
lroulette blackjack lpoker phentermine
G'night

Anonymous said...

Hi people!
Christmas Day falls on December 25. It is preceded by Christmas Eve on December 24, and in some countries is followed by Boxing Day on December 26. Some Eastern Orthodox Churches celebrate Christmas on January 7, which corresponds to December 25 on the Julian calendar. December 25 as a birthdate for Jesus is merely traditional, and is not thought to be his actual date of birth.Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Hello, I spent 2 hours to find information you have on this site!!viagra |tramadol |
l>zoloft
|soma or female viagra and branded viagra and look this order viagra online else natural viagra interesting: cheap generic viagra zoloft cialis generic viagra viagra
us.org/viagra-levitra.html>viagra levitra
interesting:viagra forum interesting: 2dir tramadol and look this zyrtec d12 hour lipitor zithromax zpac or imitrex migraine and look this ash lyric soma and else zoloft for premature ejaculation . Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Happy new year !-!
o:)))))

Anonymous said...

hi people happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!
item
promotional

forex training
charlotte
north carolina real estate

victorias secret credit card

Anonymous said...

This is all you car.
auto junk yard
aaa auto club
auto truck broker
oreilly auto
auto dealerships