11.06.2006

nuttin'

I had a great post all planned for Saturday where I cleverly entitled it "Ze Plug! Ze Plug!"* (you know... Fantasy Island... you know).

And then I was reminded of that line from Diego in Ice Age (the saber toothed tiger/lion?) where he says to the sloth-thing:

"do we need to get a newsflash every time your body does something?"*


And so now it's looking like my whole "it's STARTED! it's STARTED! thing was a tad, uhm, premature. And I feel a little sheepish about it, I must admit. But then there is also a bit of relief. Did I mention that I have taken the entirely selfish pleasure of two weeks maternity leave prior to my son being born? Just for me? (and yes, son #1 is in fulltime daycare still--I am hideous unfit monster-of-a-mother, I realize). I might not get my two weeks in, but lord do I need a rest. But methinks I need to ration myself in terms of unlimited access to daytime television--especially Discovery Health Channel and back-to-back episodes of Birth Day...

I am a sucker for those shows, and do not normally get to watch them being chained to a desk and all that. But YIKES no more Birth Day for me.

I switched on for 5 minutes on Friday and scared the shit out of myself: "After a relatively complication-free deliviery, the nurses on duty immediately discern the tell-tale signs of respitory distress, and whisk baby Juan to the ICU..." and "After laboring for over 32 hours, Luisa is showing signs of a fever and the baby's vital signs are showing distress. Surgeons prep her for an emergency C-Section..."

So tell me, how is The View now that Star is gone?

* yes. ze plug. it is gone. but that does not necessarily mean anything. except that you are mildy grossed out (once more) by what your body can excrete.

**And to any people who have lives and are not parents of Ice-Age obsessed preschoolers, I sincerely apologize. I, for one, can pretty much recite the whole of that fricking film verbatim.

16 comments:

DD said...

Ice Age - great line, great movie.

When I see you have a new post, I think it's going to be your birth story. Now you're just being a tease, a plugless slut.

(you do know I'm joking, right?)

Jenny said...

From one hideous unfit monster of a mother to another, I salute you and your missing plug.

gingajoy said...

"plugless slut"???
Love it! My favorite term for this whole situation to date:)

doow said...

Still no baby? I got my mother out of bed to tell her that you were in labour and this is how you repay her? Typical.

Tina C. said...

i don't like those baby shows either. too scary. i hear ellen has a show, also rachel ray has a show (why????).

Anonymous said...

Here is how much I am (a) not grossed out by your allusion to the "plug" (you didn't even call it the mucous plug!) and (b) awestruck by your together-ness right now: I was so impatient to get the baby OUT that after my plug was gone, I missed it because at least it was a kind of tangible proof that somehow, this baby would actually be born. My babies were only five and six days late, but I am so not good at waiting that it started to seem like a wildly optimistic fiction that they would ever be born at all.

Enjoy your TV-watching time! (just not any more live-action birth programs!)

Anonymous said...

Oh, now I'm just jealous. My plug didn't come out until the bitter end. I didn't get to revel in those last plug-free days before delivery. Still, enjoy them, you horrible hideous unfit monster of a mother. This HUMoaM is thinking of you.

Her Bad Mother said...

I can't even remember what I was going to say, having been thrown off entirely by 'plugless slut.'

macboudica said...

I would like to say "Hang in there!" but I think that is the opposite of what you really want to do right now. And, no, tales of excrement of any variety do not scare me: I have three young boys at home! Good luck, and may it all be over (quickly and complication free) soon.

Mega Mom said...

Seriously. I'm so impressed that you are enjoying the time off and not screaming "Why me?" The waiting gives me the crazies for sure. Hats off to you!

ozma said...

I'm sort of enjoying the suspense here. I think 'plugless slut' would be a great screen name.

Anonymous said...

You and I can be "plugless sluts" together-- I, too, keep thinking that it's about to start! Off to the doctor now for yet another weekly visit...

sunshine scribe said...

Shit. I have been hiding under a rock for a couple of weeks and I missed the whole its started saga. Plugless huh? Cool.

Mom101 said...

I never dealt with that plug thing which is good because it sort of grossed me out.

Congrats on passing (heheh) this milestone! Hang in there - i was given maternity leave a week before my due date which turned out to be nearly 3 wks before my delivery date and I remember how loooooong those days were.

Fingers and toes crossed!

Jozet said...

plugless slut!

lololol!!!!!

easy plugless labor vibes coming your way!!!

sweetney said...

JESUS, WILL THIS BABY GET BORN ALREADY?!

i for one am sick of these baby-related head games.