11.02.2006

and there's me thinking i needed some prune juice...

So, one minute you're sitting out on the front porch handing out sweeties to all and sundry on Halloween, because you are finding walking uncomfortable with this nasty bout of "trapped wind" and "being a little bit backed up..." If I could just, you know, go to the bathroom....

November 1, at work. "Motherfucker. This "trapped wind" is giving me some grief..." "Nope, no. This is not labor. The pains are not in the right place. Books says so. And it's too early. And I'm not contracting. Am I? Hang on a minute...."

November 1, 4:45pm. (OB triage at hospital) "My doctor said I needed to stop by to check everything's OK, just to be safe. but frankly, I think I just need to (cough) have a good BM...."

"Oh, those are contractions, you say? Every 1-3 minutes you say? And I am 3 cm, and 50 % effaced (I am still not quite sure what that is, but if you say so...)?" Uhm. I'm hungry.

4 hours later. "Oh, those are contractions, you say? Every 1-3 minutes you say? And I am 3 to 4 cm, and 50 % effaced you say (I am still not quite sure what that is, but if you say so...)?" Uhm. I'm really hungry now. I can go home? How about after Lost is finished? Oh, OK. I'll go now. If you refuse to feed me, I think I have no choice.

3 hours later At Home. "Oweeee Oweeeee Oweeee. Two minutes apart! Call the neighbors and get a sitter, we're headin' on out. Oweee Oweee Oweee. Oh the pain. The agony. The Gore....

5 hours later At Hospital. "Oh, those are contractions, you say?Every 1-3 minutes you say? And I am 3 to 4 cm, and 50 % effaced you say (I am still not quite sure what that is, but if you say so...)?"

Oh, OK. I'll go now. If you refuse to feed me or give me fluids, I think I have no choice. No. I can walk. Thanks much... Tyelenol 3 with Codeine? Won't say no. Thanksverymuch.

(snore.....)

Present: Sitting at home blogging. A contraction here and there. Feeling like a big ole faker at 38 weeks. Stay tuned for updates, which are likely to come all too frequently if I am as much not in labor as I feel right now.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yay for BABIIIEEEEES! I mean, one baby. Yay!!!!!!

Can't wait for more updates. Or, better yet, no updates because you're having a BABEEEEEEE!

Lisa b said...

Good Luck!

sweetney said...

OH SHIT!!!! Keep us posted, man!!!
xoxoxoxox

Bobita said...

Woo! (I know we don't know one another and this might be incredibly forward of me...but, if you want to get things going you could always twist your nipples.)

Okay, now I'm laughing myself silly because I just told you to twist your nipples!! (Pssst. It works.)

themikestand said...

Some women will do anything for a little attention.

(Can't wait for the big announcement!)

Anonymous said...

38 weeks? Oh, you're so close!!! It sure sounds to me like you were in labor. My advice is don't go to the hospital until the last possible minute- they don't want you to eat or drink or move around...my friend went out for a big breakfast at a pancake restaurant when she went into labor! I like her idea. Nice big meal, so you can get all the energy you need for the upcoming workout...lol!

Anonymous said...

Oh it's so exciting!!!

Her Bad Mother said...

It is a measure of how lame and stunned I am that I read this thinking, *OMG did she really go into labour today? Is she having the baby?*

Cuz, you know, you *would* be blogging the delivery of your child, right?

mamadaisy said...

woo hoo! best of luck to you!

kfk said...

It will come, of that you can be certain! Good luck!