10.05.2006

Is it just me, or....


Is it just me, or did everyone else (with a sizable arse) have the same schitzophrenic experience when watching that Gap commercial with Hepburn for the first time?

Cue Hepburn:
"I raaather feel like expressing myself, and I could certainly use the release"
(Me: "Huh? Whassis?")

Hepburn jumps out of frame; cue hard rock anthem "Back in Black."

(Me: Oh! Now that's different. I approve. I get the reference. I've seen Funny Face. I feel happy and smart. How creative. How fun.)

Kaleidoscopic Hepburn dancing to Hard Rock Anthem

(Me: Oh! How creative. How fun.)

Cue tag line, and fade: "The Black Skinny Pant"
(Me: Agh, Shit.)

I am simply not ready to give up my bootcuts, people. Though I knew its day had come (Project Runway is purely an educational experience for me) I am not ready. Trinny and Susanna have assured me that my body type demands a boot cut (dammit). Anything else will render me pear-shaped and squat. That is my truth.

Is this sign of age? Or of pure, primal fear over the return of the skinny pant, the skinny jean, of leggings? I fear that stirrup/ski pants will worm their way back before we know it, and then I am royally screwed. More countless hours hoisting up the crotch on my trousers, as the stirrups make my underfoot ache. Nice.

More importantly though... Will the bootcut become the highwaister jean of our generation?

Tune in, October 2007, to see if I've managed to squeeze myself into "a" skinny jean and a pair of fringed slouch boots, or if turning 36 means I have turned a fashion corner and become....my mother.

28 comments:

sweetney said...

i hate that fucking commercial, despite loving The Hepburn. it makes me cringe in deep and profound ways.

also, hells yeah on the boot cut. they're going to have to pry those from my cold, dead hands, man.

skinny jeans. BAH! BAH, I SAY!

DD said...

Those kids may laugh at me wearing my boot-cuts, but I'll be laughing at them as I take a swig of my beer (legally) and write a mortgage check!

Take that, you juvenile twigs!

Guinevere Meadow said...

Thank heavens for boot cut jeans! I'm with dd, who cares what the babies think, let's go out and have a great time in our boot cuts!

virtualredhead said...

dammit you made me almost choke on my vodka tonic as I laughed at this post. I felt the SAME about this commercial. Seriously. BackinBlackHepburn. Whozawhat? Skinny pants? whatthefuck?

(help, she says in a small voice)

Marmite Breath (Nat) said...

While I love the ad for the weirdness factor, you're right.....nobody needs to wear skinny jeans. Especially mothers. Because WHO THE FECK can wear skinny jeans? Nobody that I want to be associated with anyway. Bastards.
PS) I tried to do the Hepburn moves in my living room. Do not try that, people. Apparently only Hepburn and woodland sprites can do it without looking like a prat.

SUEB0B said...

One question: how am I going to fit my fat ass in Skinny Black Pants?

mamadaisy said...

if we all refuse to succumb, the trend will simply wither on the vine and die. right? right??

Kelly said...

even when I was thin, I praised boot cut jeans because skinny jeans look good on NO ONE...except really tall skinny models, maybe, but who cares what they like? we're the ones who have to buy this shit. they get all their clothes for free.
I was wearing tights the other day and my mother-in-law asked me if I was wearing leggings. I said, "No. I wore leggings in the 80s and I'M DONE WITH THEM." Slapping the label "retro" on some fasion mistakes is just not cool.
Lower waist, boot cut jeans for life.

Pendullum said...

Ok...
I have a wee story for you...
My MIL, who thinks of herself as younger than me, is in a shop with me, and she squeals with delight as she finds hot pants, you know the short shorts, made in fine red satin...
I could not believe that she insisted on buying them for herself... I think she was 59 at the time...
It was just BAAAAADDD.... And to be seen in public with her as she wears these shorts...
Still can send shivers down my spine... I would hope for skinny pants to come back as long as it means that my MIL is covered...

mothergoosemouse said...

I totally don't get why the boot cut would ever be bad. I mean, there is nothing BAD about it.

While out to lunch today (figuratively, literally, whatever), I saw high schoolers at Panera wearing mini skirts over their leggings. They looked cute, but then, they are half my age and would look cute in a burlap sack.

macboudica said...

Yep, I'm old. The new music sounds like noise and the fashions (skinny jeans) are rediculous. And ugly. And stupid.

Jozet said...

"Trinny and Susanna have assured me that my body type demands a boot cut (dammit). Anything else will render me pear-shaped and squat. That is my truth."

Amen, sistah. Big freaking amen.

Food Mum said...

Mini-skirts with leggings, that sounds familiar...haven't we all done that already? Looking back at photos I didn't look so great in them then either, so I'm definitely not going back for a second dose. My tummy is only just getting used to exposure in low waisted bootcuts anyway, the last pair of high waisted jeans only just made it to the rag bag. How about a nice tweed suit, twin set and pearls and floral print dresses instead!

Anonymous said...

I had exactly the same response. I have said for years I will never do skinny pants again. I just hope I remember that in a few years' time.

Her Bad Mother said...

It's the pairing of the skinny pant with the fucking BELTED SWEATER that makes me crazy. Skinny pants look good on some of the people, some of the time. Belted sweaters? NONE of the people, NONE of the time. SO, WHY?

Rant over.

ozma said...

You've never been more right, babe. And let me assure you that, for the reasons you gave, bootcut jeans will never die.

Yes, capitalism is king and nothing's ever worked better for sales than making women feel deeply ashamed of themselves, forcing us to turn to the mall to soothe our crushing feeling of inadequacy.

We'll buy almost anything. Unless it makes our asses look enormous. And then, we rise up, revolt and throw off the chains they place on us. The bourgeois Gap taskmasters will look at their sales figures and realize their fatal miscalculation.

Just as the peasant's hunger ultimately forced them to drive out the ancien regime so our fat butts and ample thighs ensure our liberation.

Also, Alloy and Urban Outfitters and all those other places are still selling bootcut jeans. If they can't even get a teenager to toe the line, the whole thing is doomed.

Stefanie said...

I say if a pair of jeans work then let 'em keep working. All we need to do is change the look of the belt once in awhile and we should be all good. One of the other posters was right in that those skinny pants look like crap on everyone. I'm going to have to fall out of the Gap.

neva said...

now see? i appreciate that Hepburn commercial (i'm familiar with the technology involved in getting her from that coffee house and into another background). that said, i HATE the idea that those stupid fucking skinny pants are coming back. and don't get me started on stirrup pants, girlfriend. as far as i'm concerned, they're evil, not to mention bizarre (what's attractive about a sagging crotch area, anyway?? unless you're a well-hung guy, i mean).

i'm impressed you're even considering such things as "boot-cut" jeans. honestly? after my second child was born, it was all i could do to keep the only pair of sweatpants that fit clean. (kidding, i had 2 pairs to rotate)

okay, so i lost the weight rather quickly, but still... jeans, skinny and/or bootcut, were but a dream in my 8th month of pregnancy (that's where you are now, right?)

loveyamissyameanit!! hope all is well, girlfriend... xoxo

lildb said...

I read somewhere recently that the bootcut is the new 30.

er, maybe it was the new black.

the old brown?

mehhh.

screw everybody. wear what works for you. Sus and Trin are right. and, for the record, I could smack the shit out of whoever released the rights to A.H.'s estate for that shitbag commercial. smack them silly. stupid, whoring fuckos.

jen said...

not only the skinny jeans...but really, what would audrey think? WWAT?

sweatpantsmom said...

This is sad, but I actually pulled a pair of skinny jeans out the back of my closet because I NEVER THROW ANYTHING AWAY.

I'm sure if I keep digging back there I'll find some jackets with huge shoulder pads and a pair of rainbow suspenders.

MsLittlePea said...

Skinny jeans look horrible-even on tall models. As a painter I think there is nothing more beautiful than a curvy woman. Wear what works for you and feeling beautiful will make you such....and anyway those flats that they are all wearing them with make them look like elves. I'm not exactly sure who "them" is(to borrow a term from Mr.President) but you know who I mean. right? Skinny jeans will most likely be a fashion horror flashback by the end of next year anyway-just like those scary shoulderpads we all wore.

sunshine scribe said...

Sorry I am not ready for the skinny jeans and wheter they become the high-waisters of our generation or not, I just bought myself a new pair of boot cuts yesterday!

The Mentor Mom said...

Big butt mothers unite! I will never give up my bootcuts to wear a pair of skinny leg pants. Never I say!

Ele said...

Well I'm only 22 and I'M CLINGING ON TO THE BOOTCUT FOR DEAR LIFE. I didn't watch Trinny and Susanna for nothin', y'know!
And as for ski-pants... You know what is rearing it's ugly head in Britain at the minute? THE BODY! I have vague recollections of poppers-where-there-shouldn't-be-popper from my youth and by god I'm not going to go through that again.

alms said...

If Trinny and Susannah say boot cuts are here to stay, then they are. Finis.

With my shape, skinny jeans would never look right. They'd only emphasize my ice-cream cone/orange on a toothpick physique.

Anonymous said...

"Skinny" jeans can look pretty good if you just give them a chance. Its the fit around your upper part that makes the diffrence, not the fit around your ankles.

Anonymous said...

Trinny and Susana have yet to approve any fashion that came after 1995.