7.19.2006

Who Am I Enjoying Today?


Dad Gone Mad, that's who. I have decided to "out" him here, not because he is in want of any readers, but because I've noticed that none of *you lot* are stalking him like I am (or at least I don't think you are). Apart from MotherGooseMouse, who turned me on to him in the first place (and she, like, knows him).


Actually, this post is mainly for my (Hot) Husband, who had to listen to me lamely try and paraphrase some of his posts this morning before work..



Me: "he's, like, sooooo funny. one time, his kid wanted to watch Power Rangers, and he said "no" and he said the kid went "batshit...." or somethin'
Him: mmmk. Is that a word?
Me: YES! that's a word. For a tantrum. A funny word. OK, another time, his wife is away on a trip, and to make her feel guilty he makes sure to block the kid's t.v. when she calls, and so all she hears is wailing, and he is totally engineering it, and, like, it's totally funny.
Him (not seeming convinced enough for my taste): That does sound pretty funny
Me: It IS.


Despite my shitty ability to recount the hilarity (in much the same way as you never want to hear me try and tell a joke) DGM is dead dead funny. Excellent spinner of the yarn. Think if Bad News Hughes procreated and found himself with 2 preschoolers, or if The Sneeze was three halves Personal Blog...

Today's entry...
"I have kept a watchful eye on the fracas in the Middle East because anytime another brouhaha bubbles up involving Israel, the sphincters of Jews around the world begin to tighten just a little bit more."

I'm thinking that anyone who was forced to go to Hebrew or Catholic School as a kid will relate to this one... Or anyone with deepseated fear of carnies...

Last Week:

"Sometimes I stand in my living room and just sort of freeze there for a moment, taking stock of the hell these two children have wrought. How can two people whose combined age is less than 10 and whose combined height is about even with my nips and whose combined intelligence is hardly sufficient to know NOT to rub shampoo on their eyeballs create such havoc and chaos? Were it not for the fact that one of them looks exactly like me and the other looks exactly like Hot Wife, I’d be thoroughly convinced that the stork was wasted and delivered the wrong baby to our door on two different unfortunate occasions. Join me, won’t you?, as we spend a run-of-the-mill Sunday with The Champ and The Artist Formerly Known As Barney’s Biggest Fan..."

Yes, join him. You won't be sorry... You'll be delighted, amused. You might wee your knickers.

Also last week and my current favorite:

"Hot Wife has embarked on my great annual nightmare, known vaguely as her “girls trip.” For the second consecutive summer, she is enjoying a relaxing and luxurious vacation with a gaggle of her girlfriends while I stay home from work and try to prevent our children from shoving Hot Wheels cars up the dog’s ass."

Ladies who ever dare to hope for "girls trip" of one's own--check out malevolent tactics DGM uses to induce maternal guilt trip and arm yourself. We have to give a begrudging hand to the "stand in front of kid's tv when mommy calls home" tactic, though. Evil, but genius evil.


12 comments:

Mother said...

Thanks for the reco lady. I'm headed over right now...

Her Bad Mother said...

I've been stalking him for months. I haven't commented recently, but he's a regular read. Because he makes me pee a little, and I like that.

neva said...

you've convinced me, girlfriend! i've actually checked his blog out before, but then i forget (because that's what i do) so THANKS for reminding me. because anyone who uses the term "batshit" for tantrum is okie dokie in my bloggy book! (for the record, i've been known to wee in my knickers when reading YOU on more than one occasion!) xoxo

sunshine scribe said...

Thanks for the link. I went over for a good laugh .. and he had written a poignantly tragic post that knocked me on my ass. Then I had to go back to his archives to recover. But thanks to you, he'll now be a daily read. Good taste girl!

Mocha said...

If he wasn't so funny in these excerpts, I'd be mad at you for keeping him to yourself.

I'm so glad you told me. All is forgiven.

Jenny said...

Ha! I love it.

Also...you're husband didn't know "batshit"? That's nuts!

I'm off to visit your recommendation...

MrsFortune said...

Hardy har har! I'm loving it. How did i miss this guy? Oh, right, cuz I've barely been reading blogs lately. Duh.

Mommy off the Record said...

Oh, he sounds funny! I needed a new dad to read. I'm off to check him out. Thanks for the recommendation!

Binkytown said...

Thanks for the heads up- I needed a laugh today!~

Oh, The Joys said...

I'll have to go check him out!

mothergoosemouse said...

See, I tooooollllllllld you. He is hilarious!

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