Joy feels like world's most hip and trendy pregnant lady, and returns to Michigan decked out in Euro-Trendy maternity gear... Kickin' T-Shirt by far most prized possession--looks GREAT with flared maternity jeans and bowling shoes. None of that floral tent-like shit for her.
(Flashforward to Late Summer--50 llbs later, 95 effing degrees. Am permamently in floral tent-like shit as too fucking hot to wear anything else. And these quivering white thighs are NOT seeing light of day in alarmingly enormous pair of maternity shorts recently purchased. I could blind someone...)
Present Day. Faded Kickin' T-Shirt deep source of shame and embarrassment. Relegated to gardening and slobbing about the housewear. Why in the HELL did I think this thing was hip? Spend significant amounts of time dwelling upon why "Kickin'" t-shirt does not have same allure. Is it because I am mature-Mommy type now? Is it because no 35 yr old pregnant woman who wishes to retain dignity dons garment that makes her look like aging skank/Christina Aguilera fan? Is it because Candidate for State Representative who just came to door canvassing, made big showy laugh over T-Shirt slogan, and commented on how it's "so nice to see so many young people in the neighborhood..."? That's Doctor Young Person to you, Lady...
Will the soul-searching never end? Yes, indeed, pregnancy is such a deeply meaningful and reflective time for all women. I embrace the contemplation, the meditative state of perpetual wonder--interrupted only by the joyful flutter of one