4.28.2006

wherein i ruminate on my utter lack of athletic prowess

You know that awkward girl at school who was always picked last in the "choose your teammates" lineup. That was me.

You know that girl who during baseball or (in my school) rounders, was stuck far out in left-field so she could do no harm, but who, very occasionally, would find that hard weapon of a ball barrelling towards her and flail across the field to the sound of "GETTIT GETTIT GETTIT!!!!!" only to recoil in horror once the ball go into her general physical vicinity. That was me.

This is all by way of saying that though I might "exercise" as a form of self-flaggellation (intended to beat the wobbly flesh into some sort of submission) I am more than bereft in the athleticism department. To say the very least. Unless you consider knowing how to clomp up and down on a step for an hour in a Y group class. Then, m'peeps, I ROCK.

Which is why it is a true testament to how truly powerful the lurve of my Stitch N' Bitch friends must be, because (as I reported a few weeks back) because of them I managed to find myself registered as a runner in a 5K race last weekend for the local women's shelter (and I use term "runner" here in a very loose fashion). My own hubs also enrolled as an honorary "sharp chick with pointy sticks" team-member (because he can actually really run, you see) and we brought along the jogging stroller, the 3yr old, and the dog. Because life's much too simple otherwise.

And it was chucking it down with rain, I can tell you. But did that allay the team spirit?? NO! Apparently a whole lot of shrieking and manical laughing, groping of the University mascot, along with the wearing of sexy team t-shirts and knitted headbands (I shit you not. I know.) wins you BEST TEAM SPIRIT AWARD!!!

HEY! and that's not the only award I won that day. I won LAST PLACED IN MY AGE GROUP. Chew on that, suckers. This is an award you can only achieve if you enroll as a runner, start off at a nice pace for the first, oh, 200 yards, then take a "walking break" while chatting with your team member (who is being nice and keeping apace with the pregnant lady). You discuss hearing some report that proves that "some people are not physically designed for running" as you watch your other team-members quickly blaze a nice trail ahead of you. Pepper your effort with a few sporadic bursts of running ("let's just try and keep up with that really old man ahead, K?) and a few whining sessions (all on my part) about one's "hip-flexors" hurting and how "I'm SOOO wet" and "your legs are longer than mine, WAAAHHHH" and you got yourself LAST PLACE. You can live the dream too. I promise.

Team Stitch N' Bitch, I salute you. And thanks for not picking me last.

12 comments:

MrsFortune said...

Hey! I go to a stitch n bitch group, too, although we'd never run a race. Congrats on last place!

Her Bad Mother said...

Beautiful, really. Athletically-challenged mothers in the rain.

Congrats on the honorifics!

Joel said...

First of all thank you for a wonderful laugh out loud moment...not laughing at you, mind you, but with you...great post! Secondly, as my wife would no doubt point out and probably will at some point today...entering a race and actually finishing it while pregnant qualifies you for an entirely different, much higher echelon of achievement...congratulations!!

neva said...

see how truly fabulous you are? well, if you don't, i most assuredly do!!! you totally rock!! as for the athletically challenged part of your youth? this much i know...

YOU AND I ARE CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH! (out field for me too, always!) the only difference, as far as i can tell, if that you have to ability to actually fashion something out of that cloth, which is a hell of a lot more than i can say!

i'd also like to note that "winning" for coming in last place in your age group still beats a sharp stick in the eye! and for that, i SALUTE YOU!! : D

Mommy off the Record said...

The fact that you were even in the race at all makes you a winner to me! Seriously, I would give myself an award if I could get off my butt and do anything involving excersize.

sunshine scribe said...

Oh that's me! That's me! I knew there was a reason I liked you. I would have given you a run for your money for those titles if I'd been there.

Elizabeth said...

Cripes, Joy, you got SPAM from someone who wants you to go to a MILF site! HAHAHAHA! I mean, unless you want to go there, not that there's anything wrong with that and I'll shut up now.

And now I know we should be friends because that description of you playing "rounders" is the exact same way I would describe myself playing every game of softball I've ever been forced to participate in. At least you can knit!

ozma said...

Wooh, rock on! Last place! I'd pick you because you are cool.

Kristen said...

I'm good at chip dipping. Is that a sport?

Damnit.

Mega Mom said...

Ok, I couldn't (due to the fact that I am a competition freak) put you on my team, but I love you anyway.

I'll save you all the trouble of going to the MILF blog. I don't really think they are Moms. Although if they are, I'm quite sure their children are obese.

zeldafitz said...

Girl--I hear ya! You're so lucky you have the pregnancy thing going on too!!! All can be blamed on that.

I am always, as I like to call it, LARD ASS LAST. Or "almost" lard ass last.

You need to prop your feet up and consume bon bons for the rest of this gestation period, ya hear?

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