4.12.2006

today is a day of shattered dreams...


Once upon a time, when I spent even more inordinate times watching television during my "college years," I was more than enamored with a little show called Northern Exposure.

I was even more than a little enamored of a said character in northern exposure, "Chris in the morning..." (no, not Holling, you pervs). This crush continued well on into my courtship to now-husband who understood that John Corbett, like Jon Stewart, was a case where the "step down [1]" policy could occur legitimately within a marriage. (see footnote)

This morning, upon browsing motherhood uncensored, I discovered that the author and I shared that fondness for the John Corbett--even though she, being of a more tender age, sees Chris first and foremost as Aidan from Sex in the City, sweet young thing that she is...

and here it was that I learned a disturbing truth. John Corbett is DATING BO DEREK.

On one level i want to applaud this in a "you go Demi" kind of way (and who wants to be Barbara Hershey right now? ME! ME!) but with Bo, I draw the line. It's got something to do with knowing that every inch of her is plastic--remodeled from headlights to chassy by her first plastic surgeon husband. And it might also have something to do with jealousy. Come to think of it, I think our Johnny has got a thing for plastic chicks. Has anyone SEEN what Maggie (John's ex, Janine Turner) has done to herself lately?? (two words: trout mouth...) And the itchy eye syndrome ads. poor, poor, Maggie...

I also learn, as I "research" this claim about Bo further (i.e. scour for incriminating photos because I don't have a job or anything) that John ALSO DATED VANNA WHITE.

and, worse still--he has an ALBUM... take a look (shield your eyes) and a listen (plug your ears, believe me. do it.) http://www.johncorbettband.com/


and then the nail in the coffin courtesy of go fug yourself....




It is done...

Sayounara, John, Sayounara. It's been a long and rocky road, I missed you in the mid-to-late nineties, and you nearly got me back with that sappy shite, My Big Fat Greek Wedding (which, though sickly, I gorge myself upon). But it is time for us to part ways. Like Jude Law, you have disappointed me mightily. And I didn't even have to see pictures of your manhood to seal the deal...

[1]. note on "the stepdown." a term introduced to me by friend Jen, it refers to shared agreement between spouses/partners that if a certain film star/celebrity magically shows up and demands your spouse immediately, one "steps down..." who knew there was a name for it? anyone else got one of these perverted and sad interesting contracts going on?






18 comments:

neva said...

and down he goes! bitch slapped off his "dreamy metro-guy" pedestal by my hero... joy!

oh lord. i loveloveloved him in my big fat greek wedding, too (in fact, i said to my husband when we saw it that the film would do wonders for his standing as "romantic leading man"...)

but i am sooooo with you, sister/girlfriend! bo derek??? aieeee! she might have been a "10" 25 years ago, but, doesn't that make her about a -15 now??? (not that we don't admire younger men dating older women... my husband is 6 years younger than i am, after all... but my face/boobs are my own, not the result of plastic enhancements in any way, shape and/or form!)

and, you are so correct, the picture and/or whole band thing is a big fat nail in the coffin. RIP john corbett...RIP. (you still have hugh laurie, right?) ; )

as for that "step down" thing? hadn't heard that term---tho' there was an episode of "friends" that dealt with a similar concept (aren't i pathetic, what with all these tv references?)...

ps...you didn't miss too much on idol last night (tho' i'm not convinced it wasn't better than the rosie doc you were forced to watched! heh heh) and i will, indeed, send you an e-mail...(thanks for asking!) : D

sunshine scribe said...

NO?!?! You just shattered my dreams in one foul swoop. I loved him on BOTH Northern Exposure and as Aidan and I didn't know any of that. Sniff sniff. It's over.

weaker vessel said...

I can't think of anyone offhand, dammit. All I know is that I'm very bitter toward Corbett and his SatC ilk for popularizing the name Aidan. When I named my older son that 13 years ago, it was literally unheard of in the States (I mean, look at Aidan Quinn's career trajectory!). With my husband and I being named the most Generic Names of Our Curs-ed Generation, we wanted to be original, and nowadays, every other damn mini-yuppie is named Aidan. Fie on you, granny-humping red ruffly tuxedo dude!

Jess Riley said...

And thus ends my brief mild crush on John Corbett.

Love the step down concept!! LOL

Mom101 said...

Like you, he will always be the dj on Northern Exposure which is why I love him. I actually saw him in person, briefly at the Serendipity premiere and I will say, he makes quite the foxy showing in person. But I'm with you on Kristen's revelation: BO FREAKIN' DEREK? Oh, ew.

Elizabeth said...

Aww, I LOVED Northern Exposure! But I always liked Rob Morrow as the smart, sexy, somewhat aloof Doctor Fleischmann. And now, on "Numb3rs"? Still sexy to me.

I'm pretty sure if Drew Barrymore ever knocked on our door, my husband would expect me to "step down".

P.S. Congratulations! Sorry I haven't stopped by here in a while, that's great news! Hope you get over the nausea quick. I'm right here on the West Side of Lansing if you need anything.

Mega Mom said...

Patrick Freakin' Dempsey. Now, not in the old days. Good God, not in the old days.

Mocha said...

I, myself, liked Johnny Depp back in the day and his weirdness hasn't turned me off completely, but he could have the decency NOT to shack up with someone who doesn't have the body of my broom.

John, on the other hand, has been slowly losing it with me and your litany against him is enough for me to now safely break up with him.

Bo, I could handle. But Vanna. Gah.

I would be asked to step down if Angie Harmon were to show up. My list for him to step down is MUCH MUCH longer.

doow said...

Well, that ruined my day.

I'm off to rock back and forth for a while.

sunshine scribe said...

oh I am so very sorry to do this. but you've just been tagged :)

zeldafitz said...

Ah, yes, the long locked troubadour, ruined. In additon to all the vile things you said about Bo, you forgot one important thing: SHE IS A BUSH SUPPORTER.

And therefore most die, tho her boobs will live on, like cockroaches after a nuclear blast.

Kristen said...

And he just cut a country album, or did you already cover that...

Double ack.

And they keep replaying all the good episodes - like the proposal one (SaTC)...

Bridgermama said...

Oh sweet John, why have you forsaken me?

GraceD said...

"the stepdown". What a brilliant characterization. I will begin to employ it immediately, and assist in spreading the wisdom of this concept throughout the land.

Now, as for John Corbett, I agree with Reader Elizabeth. It was always Rob Morrow for me. But, in defense of Hollings? Shelly always said that this geezer "has a motor in him."

toyfoto said...

I loved Northern Exposure, and certainly understand the infatuation with "Chris." (For me, though, it was "ED!")

This made me laugh as it reminded me of all the celebrity boyfriends I have dated in my mind. When they showed up on television or in the tabs shaggy and in ruffles I kicked them to the curb, too.

toyfoto said...
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